Find out what's happening in the world as it unfolds. Story highlights In your message, make sure to indicate that you've read the profile Limit compliments to personality-related praise, not physical Be brief and give your prospective sweetie something to respond to. While we received a fair amount of gratitude mostly from online daters tired of finding such hapless missives in their inboxes , we also received many a request for tips on what to write in a successful first note.
One humanity-loving reader also took the time to inform us he suspects we are "two former high school cheerleaders who now have an inferiority complex," a flattering if inaccurate assumption that we were once capable of killer herkies and immense pep. While it's infinitely more fun to tell you what not to do than it is to give you helpful pointers hey, the Ten Commandments weren't written in the negative for nothin' , this week we're heeding your call.
Exactly What To Say In A First Message – The OkCupid Blog
Before we proceed with the advice-shilling, though, a big disclaimer looms. Even if you write an excellent first letter, there is no guarantee that the recipient will write you back. If there were a magic formula, some genius would have cracked it by now. Every online dater has had the experience of reading an impossibly sweet, heart-bursting message and thinking, "Oh, sigh, I wish we could use this site to arrange dates for our friends or make new totally platonic acquaintances, because the sender of this message is clearly a lovely person.
This is simply part of the numbers game that is dating online and in real life , and it's the reason online courtship is not for those with rickety self-esteem and hair-trigger rejection sensitivity. Because most of your messages will go unanswered, doesn't mean there's anything wrong about you. Certainly you're brimming with foibles, but your intended date doesn't necessarily know that yet.
Maybe you look too much like said recipient's ex, or you have three cats while he or she is deathly allergic, or he or she is not really interested in meeting dates IRL and just likes the ego boost of a bursting inbox.
How to write that first online-dating note
And as we've said before, you simply cannot take it personally if you don't get a response. That said, there are a few ways to at least make it past the person's "Oh God delete and possibly block" filter:. Indicate that you have actually read through their profile. Some OKCupid data-crunching found that phrases such as "notice that," "good taste" and "you mention" yield a high response rate. They indicate you took the time to learn about your target, instead of just peering at his pictures, letting a drop of drool roll slowly down your chin and then sending a generic message that makes him seem totally unspecial.
Everyone wants to feel like a unique and sparkly snowflake, so pick out something intriguing from his written profile his love of "X Files," his advertised salad-making skills, whatever and mention it in specific. Relatedly, praise is always an easy way to endear people to you and a much less slimy approach than the famed "neg. Uh, a literate, typing ape, that is.
Research consistently shows that we like people who look, move and -- critically -- talk like us. So tailor your tone to match that of the apple of your eye. Make it sweet and fun. Instead, start by saying what caught your eye about their profile. If their profile made you laugh out loud in the middle of Tesco, say it.
There’s more to it than you think
If you despaired of ever meeting a woman who loved football even if you question her choice of team , say it. The easiest way to start a conversation with anyone new is to ask a question, so include one. Tailor it to their interests or their work, or even one of their photos. A good first message is sweet, and short. One hundred words is about right: Just aim to get a conversation going.
As they say in showbiz, leave them wanting more. Similarly, if you claim to love your job but the time stamp on your message says you sent it at 9. Stick to neutral hours, like lunchtimes and early evening.
- 1. Make sure your profile is complete before you message anyone?
- How to message someone on an online dating site | The Soulmates Blog.
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Ideally, write it before you leave the house to do something interesting. Have fun writing your messages, and enjoy the process of meeting someone new.